Disegno was still sitting in the archives near the spot where Mr. Perkins had died. Time stood next to him, a stern expression on his face. Fate looked up when Tad approached and gave him a small nod of acknowledgement.
“Time,” she said, “Death has fulfilled his task. Finally.”
“I know,” Time said, “Finally indeed.”
Disegno looked up, an artistic single tear track on his cheek. Tad gave him a look he hoped was encouraging before he turned back to face Time.
“I want to begin this all by saying that you were right about me having to properly take responsibility. And about Disegno still needing to learn some things. But it was also wrong of you to keep Disegno imprisoned for so long in conditions in which he could never have properly learned whatever it was you wished him to learn.”
“And what has he learned now?” Time asked almost sharply, “He brought that thing here. Mr. Perkins was not supposed to perish. He may have manufactured his Purpose as an archivist, but his work held true value!”
“I’m so sorry,” Disegno said. His head was bowed, and he was still on the floor. His voice was thick with sorrow, “I didn’t mean to bring it here, but I did. I really… I really messed up, and I’m sorry! I tried to protect everyone, make that… that thing appear either in my prison or my personal space at home, but it didn’t work and that cost Mr. Perkins his life.”
He slowly, shakily stood up, wiping his eyes and then coming to stand beside Tad.
“I’m… I have to take responsibility for that.”
“It was an accident,” Tad said.
“But he still died,” Disegno replied brokenly.
“Yes.”
“A mistake made with good intentions is still a mistake,” Time said. Tad turned to him, now feeling almost angry. Apparently, Time had had time to regain his composure, and he wasn’t using it for compassion.
“That is enough! You have abused him for a long while because of a tiny mistake that did not even hurt anyone except your pride!”
“I do not feel pride,” Time snapped, “I do not feel at all.”
“Just admit that you do, and you can try to learn to manage it!” Tad almost shouted, but then his voice softened, “I know it is scary, and hard, and it feels impossible to learn. But I did it. You can do it too.”
He stepped around Disegno so he stood between him and Time.
“I told you; I do not want to fight you,” he said, “But I will not let you take Disegno either. He is free now. You have the right to punish him, but when you are doing it for such… irrational reasons, I can and will contest it.”
Time’s eyes sparked. The clocks slowed, and tension became enough to solidify the air around them. It was a good thing no one in the room needed to breathe.
“You can admit that you have a little spark of someone,” Tad said gently, “You may remain detached. No one is going to tell you how to do your job. But just… please, trust me on this. You do not have to keep this going and pretend it is right.”
Time stared at him for the longest time. Long enough that even Tad started to feel it, though in this space time had even less meaning to them than usually. And then, Time slowly looked at the books around them, a defeated look flashing on his face until it disappeared again.
“And what of his latest mistake?” he asked, “He said he would take responsibility. If he can provide more than just pretty words, I may consider it.”
Disegno wrapped his arms around himself, glanced at the desk that was now empty, and then said almost desperately:
“I have learned quite a bit about these archives. And they do mean a lot. I’m willing to take Mr. Perkins’s responsibility of the archives. I may not know everything about them, but I can learn. I just… that’s the least I can do.”
Time raised a brow.
“That would be a full-time commitment,” he said, “It would have to take priority, even past your Purpose as a muse.”
Disegno grimaced.
“It’s not like I’m actually welcome among them anymore,” he said bitterly, “I don’t care. This is… what I feel like I must do. Maybe… maybe that way Mr. Perkins’s work at least doesn’t die with him.”
Tad beamed at him and patted him on the shoulder.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea to me,” he said, “What do you say, Time? Brother?”
Time glowered at him, but then relented.
“That is… acceptable,” he said, “As long as you do your utmost to fulfil these duties.”
Disegno nodded solemnly.
“I swear,” he said. Tad squeezed his shoulder before letting go and approaching Time again.
“And now you can apologise,” he said, “You know you did wrong by him.”
Time almost laughed. Almost. It would have perhaps sounded like the ticking of a very large clock. Or perhaps just caesium atoms spinning. Or maybe it was some primordial sound from the beginnings of the universe. No one knew, for it would probably never be heard. But the look on his face almost echoed it.
“You are being absurd,” he said.
“No. I am not.”
Time turned away from them, crossing his arms and letting the words linger in the air before saying:
“I shall… consider it,” he said, “Perhaps I have… indeed been a bit unfair.”
Tad let out a somewhat dissatisfied noise.
“I suppose that is as close as we can get to an apology,” he said, “are you alright, Disegno?”
“No,” Disegno said, “But I… I might be one day. Am I… holy shit, am I really free?”
“Well, you are bound to the archives now…”
“Yeah, I suppose,” Disegno sighed, “What did I just get myself into?”
“I suppose we will have to wait and see.”
Disegno laughed.
“You can never stop being vague and cryptic, can you?”
“Perhaps not,” Tad said and smiled. Disegno laughed again.
“Okay, now this is getting weird. Are you joking with me?”
“It is rather creepy,” Fate pointed out. Tad and Disegno were both startled. Tad had forgotten she was there.
“You have been very quiet,” he said.
“I was just enjoying the show,” Fate said, “I am surprised you managed to change his mind. I do hope this kind of lenience is not going to spell disaster to us all.”
“I am sure you will let us know if that is the case,” Tad said.
Fate smirked.
“Of course. I am always ready to scold you.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
It turned out that Phil and Dariel didn’t have that much to talk about with one another. At least not yet. Eventually, apologising over and over back and forth got a bit old, and it seemed that Dariel would have to focus on recovering from the traumatic experience of being possessed by and eldritch horror first. Phil took it all rather well. Tad found her high up on a building overlooking Bridgeport. She was smiling, swinging her legs over a steep drop and admiring the lights.
“Hey,” she said when Tad sat next to her, “Thanks for coming.”
“Of course.”
“How’s Disegno? Or Fate? Time?”
“They will be alright. Disegno promised to take over as the archivist now that Mr. Perkins is gone.”
Phil smiled.
“Yeah. I heard. Good for him. I have to visit him, make sure he’ll figure everything out. I’ve spent quite a bit of time there too. Maybe we can discover new, fun books together.”
“That sounds good.”
Phil leaned to her hand and looked down at the streets, where cars and humans scurried like ants.
“How are you?” Tad asked, “And Dariel? He seemed quite upset.”
“He’s recovering. I promised to give him space. I don’t really know where we go from there.”
Phil sighed.
“The important thing is that he recovers. I really screwed this up. His life and everything. I keep thinking that I understand living ones and can just… slip into their midst. But then something like this happens and I realise that I… don’t really know much of anything about them. They’re such curious creatures.”
“I know what you mean,” Tad said, “I never think I truly understand them.”
“I guess we’re not even meant to.”
“No, we are not.”
Phil’s mouth twitched into an almost-smile.
“Maybe we’ll make it work with Dariel someday. Or maybe not. I’ll have to respect whatever he feels is right.”
She leaned briefly into Tad’s shoulder in what Tad assumed was a gesture of affection.
“Thanks for your help. You really saved us all.”
“I think we all worked together.”
“Maybe. Thanks anyway.”
“Thank you as well. For all the good advice over these past few moments.”
“You mean months?”
“Yes. Moments.”
Phil laughed.
“So, how are you and Amelia?”
“She invited me over later this week. I think she is recovering quite well too.”
“That’s great,” Phil said and thought about something, “You know, whatever happens, just because you feel like you’re settled back into your role as the responsible one-“
“How did you know I felt that?” Tad asked, and then added sheepishly, “I am sorry; I interrupted you. Go on.”
“I know because you’re pretty obviously feeling that. And you’re my friend. I know my friends. My point is that just because you’re back to your responsible role, you don’t have to abandon all the things you tried when you were among humans.”
“I was not planning to.”
“I just wanted to make sure, because I know you think you’re not supposed to have nice things.”
Tad laughed softly.
“I suppose I do think that. Perhaps always.”
“It’s not true, though.”
“Thank you.”
They sat in comfortable silence, watched the anthill below and around them. Things were finally back in their place. The universe had been fixed from Tad’s mistake. It barely looked any different. Just maybe a little bit more peaceful underneath the surface, with one less shadow stalking around.
It was beautiful, but then again, it had always been.
Amelia took Connor’s lamp to the river that ran through Riverview and behind her house. It was a short trek, easy to do even after an exhausting trip to a terrifying fight and back again. Amelia settled the lamp next to her and waited. When Connor materialised again, he looked around questioningly.
“I thought you’d want some fresh air. And some peace,” Amelia said, “I used to come here to fish with my dad. I used to like that. Now I kind of feel like leaving the fish alone. But standing here is still nice.”
“It is.”
“I haven’t been here in a while, though,” Amelia admitted, “It has felt too difficult. Like a lot of other things that used to be easy.”
“Why’re we here now?”
“I told you, to get some peace and fresh air.”
“Okay. Can we talk?”
“Yes, please. Are you okay? What happened was scary.”
“I wasn’t the one in danger,” Connor said, “I was barely even there.”
“You saved me, though.”
Connor blushed. Kind of. The flames on his cheeks grew larger.
“You just say that. It couldn’t have been the light that really-“
“It was,” Amelia said, “But even if that wasn’t… you don’t have to keep trying to do anything dramatic. You’ve already helped me so much. Just with you being there… it has been less lonely.”
“That’s good,” Connor smiled, “I’ve liked seeing you happier. I’ve felt like I haven’t completely mucked everything up.”
Amelia sighed.
“You aren’t the failure you keep thinking you are. You’re a good friend, and a smart, kind person. That’s more than a whole lot of officially successful people can say.”
Connor looked out to the river.
“I guess so…” he said and didn’t sound convinced.
“Connor… I wanted to thank you for everything,” Amelia said, “Without you, I wouldn’t have started to go out. At least not so soon. I wouldn’t have talked to so many people… and I wouldn’t have realised what made me… well, me. I know it sounds really sappy, but if that’s what it takes to make you see how wonderful you are…”
“Okay, stop. Now you’re just embarrassing me,” Connor muttered, “Amelia… thank you too. For wanting to help me. I’ll… never forget it.”
They stood in silence. One as comfortable as the one shared in Bridgeport between two other beings. And like that one, this also had an undercurrent of sadness. Of letting go.
“I… think I’ll see it, eventually,” Connor said, “Just… Amelia, promise me something.”
“What?”
“I can devote everything I am to helping you or someone else, because I don’t have a life anymore. But you do. You can live for yourself too.”
Amelia laughed.
“Don’t worry. I do know that. I help people because I love them. And I like seeing them happy.”
“You’re amazing.”
“So are you. Do you want a hug?”
Connor smiled and spread his arms. Hugging ghosts was always a bit tricky, but they managed.
“Don’t worry too much about me,” Amelia said, “I think I’m going to be okay now.”
Connor nodded against her shoulder.
“If I don’t come back tomorrow night, then I’ll have moved on. If that happens… goodbye.”
“Goodbye, Connor.”
The next morning dawned bright and almost summer-warm. Amelia put on some nice clothes and called ahead to make sure that the Ley Line Nexus was ready to see her. She felt like visiting them, and she had some things to say.
The Nexus hadn’t changed at all. Well, apart from some new flowers and a different aroma rising from the mysterious cauldron Basil had at their backyard. Basil noticed her when she arrived and ran to their picket fence to greet her.
“Everyone else is inside,” he said, “I’ll have to go back to my potion studies before they boil over.”
Amelia waved at him and went to ring the doorbell. She didn’t quite make it before Dewey opened the door and waved at her solemnly. Brigitte was right behind Dewey with a smile, tea and cakes ready.
They sat and chatted about happier things, only occasionally visiting sadder topics. It was happy and cosy, and Amelia felt lighter than she had felt in a long, long time. Brigitte was her gentle, happy self, who probably wouldn’t be as gentle without going through some hard times. Maybe Amelia would be like her someday. She hoped so. Mimosa’s smiles had become slightly more confident, though she was still clearly working through some issues. That was what this place was for, Amelia knew. A house for healing and for being welcome. Just like the Grisby house, and how she wanted the Sprigg house to be as well.
Dewey was his calm, lovely self as well. They talked a lot, even more than usual, and when Amelia had to leave, he walked with her to the door.
“It was good of you to visit again,” he said, “Are you okay? You kind of look like you’ve been through some stuff again.”
“Well, some stuff is right,” Amelia said, “It wasn’t that bad this time, though. At least… I don’t think it was. I’ll tell you about it later, okay?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
Amelia remembered Vanja’s words about finding a moment she wanted to share with someone who reminded her that life was wonderful. There were many people she wanted to share those kinds of moments with. She once again thought about Shirley Lin and her baby, and the ocean and Connor, and a journey to reconcile with Love’s lost son, and a calm moment by the river. Or a talk over tea. And so many more. The moments were so small, so random, shared with both loved ones and strangers. That was just life, Amelia supposed. And it was wonderful.
And there were so many other moments she wanted to share still, and people she wanted to share them with.
So, she spent a moment gathering her courage, and then said:
“Do you want to get lunch sometime? Or coffee or tea? Or… maybe dinner? I think I… would be ready for something like that. Would you like that?”
Dewey’s smile was rare but very wonderful.
“I’d love that.”
They made plans, and Dewey squeezed Amelia’s hand briefly when they parted. Amelia felt like the world was wonderful indeed.
She came back home and waited for Connor to return. She lit the fireplace and sat on the couch, listening to the TV and reading books until sleep claimed her.
Amelia had asked Tad to meet her but hadn’t specified the spot. She knew how this worked by now. Tad would always know where she was if he just wanted to. He was always there. So, when the time they had agreed to meet him was close, Amelia took a walk to a nearby meadow. It had always been a lovely place especially in the spring and summer. Amelia had run all over it as a child, picking flowers her parents taught her to twine into flower crowns, and playing hide and seek in the small forest nearby. She had always loved the times when the flowers bloomed, and the green of the leaves became dotted with yellows and oranges and pinks, with little blue orchids hiding in the midst of them. It didn’t look quite as radiant as it would in a month, but it was already showing splashes of colour in the still warm evening. Amelia breathed in deep, in the air that wasn’t yet disturbed by pollution, at least not nearly as much as it had been in Bridgeport.
She turned around when she heard footsteps shuffling in among the flowers.
“Hello, Amelia,” Tad said.
“Hi,” Amelia said, “I’m glad you could be here. I wanted to talk. And just… to spend time with you.”
“Is that alright again?” Tad asked hopefully.
“Yes. It’s more than alright.”
“That is wonderful. So… what did you want to talk about?”
Amelia shrugged.
“I don’t know. Anything you’d like. It’s just nice to be here, talking about whatever.”
“Right…”
Tad shifted a bit awkwardly, then he seemed to think very carefully about something.
“I have not said this properly… and I am not good at saying this, nor processing this… but I want to anyway,” Tad looked away shyly, and then he managed a ghost of a smile, “So… I love you.”
Amelia blinked slowly, and Tad pressed on with a nervous expression on his face:
“What I said before still applies… about not needing to touch you or anything… and Phil asked me to tell you that I also do not desire exclusive companionship with you. I just… want to continue being your friend, and talk and have tea, and feel welcome. But only if you want to.”
Amelia smiled as well, her heart feeling suddenly very warm.
“Of course I do,” she said, “I love you too. I would love to keep being friends with you.”
“Oh,” Tad sighed hopefully, “Thank you.”
They stood in silence for a while. The flowers swayed quietly in the wind. The sky was greyish blue. It was beautiful and a little sombre, but still undeniably amazing, just like Amelia now expected things to be in the end.
“I’ll probably always be a little afraid,” Amelia said at length, “Of dying, I mean. At least of some things about it.”
“Of course,” Tad said, “That is perfectly natural for a mortal.”
“But I’m not afraid of you,” Amelia said, “Not at all. It’s more like… I’m afraid of the pain, and the unknown. But I know that you’ll be there, and that you’ll help me through it. So, it’s… it’s quite lovely, actually.”
Now Tad almost blushed but didn’t say anything. Amelia went on:
“Do you remember my list? About the things I should try so I can heal?”
“Of course.”
“I’ve been trying to do all the things on that list lately. And keep doing them many times,” Amelia wrapped her arms around herself, “I think I’ve managed pretty well. But sometimes I’ve had bad days. And sometimes it’s been great. But that’s… you know, that’s life.”
“Do you feel healed now?”
“Actually… kind of,” Amelia said, “Maybe not completely like I was before. I don’t think I’ll ever be. But this is… good.”
“I am glad to hear that.”
“The thing Vanja told me to do,” Amelia went on, “About finding wonderful moments and a person to share them with… it was difficult. I kept finding good little moments and sharing them with different people, because it felt right but I wasn’t sure… now I know it was right, at least for me. It’s like life, right? Sharing little moments and celebrating them with all the people you love.”
She closed her eyes and listened to the night wind for a moment before she said:
“But that part’s not yet done. It won’t ever be until I die. Isn’t that wonderful? And… there’s a moment I want to share with you too.”
“Me?” Tad said, still heartbreakingly surprised, “I… I would be honoured and happy. What is it you wish to share with me?”
Amelia made a vague motion.
“Well… a lot of moments, actually. All of them. We can start with this.”
“A meadow? It is very nice,” Tad said, “Beautiful and melancholic, yet… oddly happy and wondrous.”
“Isn’t it? But it’s not just that, it’s also all the things we talked about, and then… just this. The evening. The end of the day.”
“Ah,” Tad said, “I understand.”
He looked up at the sky, and Amelia was struck with a thought that Tad was also probably in the sky and the stars and looking down at them as well. It must have been trippy. “I would love to share this with you,” Tad said, “And keep sharing it. Especially for as long as the ends are not so tragic.”
Author’s Note: Well here it is. It’s finished! It got a bit cheesy at the end, but I like it. It’s a bit noticeable that I smushed two planned story arcs together for this, buuut I felt like I wouldn’t have enough material for three full story arcs, so two it is. Thank you everyone who have stuck with me to the end. Special shout-out to CathyTea, who has commeted on all the chapters and has been so supportive and lovely! And to everyone else who has inspired me with your comments and ecouragement, and even given this a passing glance. I might return to this with some short stories and such, but who knows. I hope you all enjoyed. Stay safe and healthy!
The Chrysanthemum Tango 