Letters: Emily to Lenora 4

Response to Lenora’s 4th letter.

Dear Lenora,

Thank you so much for your letter! And thank you for understanding. This Project is indeed a great way to make such awesome friends as you and Liam and Gentian. This has been a really good thing for me, writing to you guys. I’m glad that you like writing to me too. And yeah, I’ve worked things out with the other pen pal, so no need to worry about that. And Gentian is a really cool guy, so it has been fun to write him.

Thank you again for sharing so much about your family and trusting me so much. I’m really glad that the awful things you and your family had to go through just made you stronger, even though it all also hurt. I mean, it still sucks that they happened and that they hurt. Your family is really strong. I didn’t know your husband had to go through such extra pain because of what he is. I didn’t know werewolves indented/imprinted that strongly, but I can imagine it must have been really tough for him to think you were dead. But during happy times I bet the soulmate-bond-thing is really neat.

Aurora sounds really wonderful, being able to use her gift of seeing the future to help your family cope and all. She sounds really wise too. Seeing the future sounds like a really stressful ability, though. I mean, sure, it can be cool and all, and in a situation like what your family was in, it was probably really, really comforting. What’s it like to see stuff like that? Sometimes I think that seeing the present is tough enough.

I’m glad you guys have each other, and that you can help each other through difficulties and keep each other company in your long lives.

I’m also glad to hear that the kids you adopted are doing better. I can totally get them having nightmares. I had nightmares a lot after my mum died. And flashbacks, and times of being really scared in general. I’m glad I’ve got better over time – though the nightmares have never completely gone away – and I’m glad the nightmares are getting less severe for Tiffany and Layla too. And the guilt…

…yeah, I get that too.

I was right there next to my mum when she died. There was an accident in our house. The pipes in the kitchen burst – more like exploded – when mum was at the sink. One of the pipes went right through her lung. Sometimes I think that I should have done something, even though I know it’s stupid. I mean, I was only four, and there was nothing I could have done. I couldn’t even warn her because I didn’t know it would happen. But logic or common sense don’t take the guilt away. At least not from me. I used to just sit in my room sometimes, crying and wishing I could have done something. Or just staring at a wall and not feeling strong enough to do anything.

I’ve been reading stuff about survivor guilt. And a lot of other things, but that’s the most relevant here. Knowing that a lot of people feel guilty after bad things happen and that it’s normal has helped me deal with things later. I mean, right after my mum died, I was so young that it didn’t really hit me until much later. For a long while, I didn’t even realise what dying really meant. I kept wondering why mum had left me and why she wasn’t coming back. My adoptive parents were really good at dealing with it, and they never told me how to feel or not to feel, just did their best to explain things, help me adjust and cope and be happy. I had some friends who really helped with healing too.

Um… this is getting pretty confession-y from my end too. My point is that I can get why Tiffany’s feeling guilty. And I can understand Tyrone feeling guilty too because of what happened to you. I’m glad that you guys are there for each other, and that you can talk about things. I’m also glad that Tiffany can talk about the happier times. I’m sure they’re really good kids. I wish them all the best. Also it’s so cool that so many of your family members have or are thinking of adopting kids.

And then… I think I should talk about happier things for a change too. I should’ve probably started with this, but I wanted to get the sadder but important things out of the way first. But anyway, thank you so much for the wedding invitation! Wow, I don’t know what else to say. Thank you!

I would love to come to the wedding, and I’m sure it’d all be so cool and awesome, but I still have to think about it. My parents are pretty strict about us kids going out of town on our own, and I don’t know if they’re ready to let me see my pen pals, no matter how awesome I’ve told you are. And they’re not exactly “in the loop” about magic stuff. I mean they do know a little bit about the magic in the world, but they’re certainly not experts on it, and I don’t think they believe in most of the stuff. So I don’t think it would be good for them to attend. I’d need someone else to accompany me. And yeah, it sounds childish, wanting a chaperone and all, but it’s just for extra safety, you know? And to be fair, I’m a bit scared of going to places with lots of people I don’t know, even though I do trust you guys. I know, I know, it sounds pathetic coming from a person who dreams about adventure, but… well, dreaming and doing things are different.

I could ask my uncle to come with me. I haven’t told you that much about him yet, but he knows about the supernatural world and is all kinds of awesome. But he’s also really busy, and he doesn’t really function well in big social gatherings, so I don’t know… I’ll have to ask him or some of my other supernaturally knowledgeable friends. But I’ll definitely think about it some more!

Speaking of supernaturals, my magic-finding journaling got a breakthrough! Well, it wasn’t really a breakthrough, but more like coming across some people. And they’re not exactly new people, as they’ve lived in town for a long time, and I knew of them beforehand, but I don’t remember really seeing them around.

It’s a whole commune of supernatural people! There was a super nice werewolf-lady, her wizard son (well, he said he preferred the term ‘witch’ and said it’s a gender neutral term for him), and a really pretty vampire woman.

They told me they had been living out of town for a few years because the werewolf-lady’s (she’s the commune’s “leader”, but she seems more like a mother-figure) son was studying magical healing arts at some wizarding university. But now they’re back.

They live in a big old farmhouse at the edge of town, and they’re super nice. They’re friends with a lot of my friends, so they were more than happy to chat with me and tell me about them. They said they trusted me right away! They also told me that they’d had other members in the commune before, and that they were waiting for a new member. I can’t wait to see who moves in with them! And just a day later I was invited to my friend’s place, where this very same commune was also invited. We had tea and cookies. It was so neat! I’m really hoping we can be friends, because they’re really nice people.

So yeah, eating cookies is maybe not the most epic magical adventure there is. But still… well, I may sound like a kids’ cartoon, but making friends is pretty magical. And when I opened my journal to write about it, I noticed that I was already almost out of pages. The whole notebook was filled with random notes and feelings and sketches I’d done on my previous biking trips and hikes.

It was mostly just about normal nature and people. Because when I look for magic, I keep realising that the “normal” world is really magical in itself.

There’s plants and bridges and weather and seasons and mayflies and all those things that could be magic if they weren’t explained with science. And really, I don’t think science makes things any less wondrous.

…Still, I wouldn’t mind seeing a place that defies normal logic and physics. Safely and without it being too scary.

So yes, I’ll be thinking about the wedding invitation a lot. It would be really cool to see you and Liam and Mathilda and everyone. They all seem so great and strong and cool.

Wishing you all the best,
Emily

P.S. I don’t remember you telling me about Alina, but I’d love to hear more about her.

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